As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
