I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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