I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
