there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
