They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
