just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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