jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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