The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
