my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
