haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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