R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize