I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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