He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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