i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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