i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drunk is a universal language darling
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize