This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize