Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
