Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
