I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize