Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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