I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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