forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
