Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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