I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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