I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
