similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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