Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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