I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
