my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
