My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You are the jesus of drinking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
