You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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