He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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