im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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