i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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