genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
