so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
