If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
