Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
