Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
