Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
