If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
