Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize