I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
