Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
