but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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