what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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