Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
