I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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