Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
