Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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