i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
