We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
