Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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