Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
