he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
