bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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