Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
