I think I am morally bankrupt
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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