DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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