So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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