....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
