Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
