You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
