I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
