This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
