i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
