fuck your aforementioned shoe
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize