I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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