Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
