I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
