I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize