There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
