whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
