What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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