he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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