Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
