i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
