Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
