please come you make the beer taste better
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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