It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
