I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
two words...techno handjob
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
