well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
