my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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