now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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