Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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