I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
