and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want her autograph on my taint
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
