Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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