Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
