My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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