Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
