Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
