oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
