I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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