I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
