Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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