I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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