just come out here and I will go home with you...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize