she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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