just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
