The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
