I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
