Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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